doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
