Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
