I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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