I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
