Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
