my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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