I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize