yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think your dad took our porno
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
