Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
