I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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