So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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