At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
