So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's official drugs can't kill me
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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