you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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