Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
