Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So vagazzling was a success
how drunk are you?
Several
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
