no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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