K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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