Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
