Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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