mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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