i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have demons in me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
