My first STD was from a foam party
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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