I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish life had little blips of pornography
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
