I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize