you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
