Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
