Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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