the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
