he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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