you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
