is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
