Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize