and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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