He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
