if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
