I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
