OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
