I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the day after is always just damage control
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
