I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
