where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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