a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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