a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
