she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
