i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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