woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
