just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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