If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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