I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
