How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
