At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I want is dick and wine.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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