i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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