I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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