put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
