So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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