I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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