sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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