Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
