Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
