There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
