Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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