I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Be still, my beating vagina.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
