Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
