Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
