and next time when you feel me up, do it right
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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