happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
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i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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