When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
