my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize