So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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