Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
