Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
one might say we're banned from that church
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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