2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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