so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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