Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
