Its about making memories worth repressing
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
