Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
