a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
