thus making me awesome and them whores
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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