Non-Jews are for practice
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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