i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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