her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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